Childhood Survival Skills

Have you ever watched the Netflix series Alone? Several survivalists compete in the harshest outdoor conditions, alone and with limited supplies. They are without all the luxuries and amenities we are spoiled with daily. Their daily goals are to get enough food and water to sustain energy, keep warm and dry to avoid hypothermia or frostbite, and be wary of predators that may see them as a food source. They need to do what they have to do to survive. This post is about the survival skills children develop in trauma—and how God leads us from surviving to healing.

What Are Childhood Survival Skills

A child in a broken home also learns to do what they must to survive. They must learn survival skills to avoid uncomfortable situations, being made fun of, and, sadly, being hurt (emotionally or physically). The difference in this analogy is that the Alone competitor has help from survivalist experts, who can research the region's climate, food sources, and potential predators. A child is brought into a traumatic environment and left to figure it out on their own.

Every kid develops their own unique way of dealing with the trauma. Some observe and analyze, some avoid and hide, some lash out in anger, and some learn to be "perfect." The survival skills they learn in childhood make them unique individuals and often carry over into their adult lives.

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When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. 1 Corinthians 13:11 NLT

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How Survival Skills Show Up in Adulthood

The downside is that some of these skills were not intended to be carried into adulthood. And certainly not into your marriage! We talked previously about your spouse as a mirror. When we hide from and avoid talking about specific topics with our spouses, that's when we most need them to be a mirror. Sometimes we don't even know we had trauma in our upbringing; it was our version of "normal." Yet, we must face the fact that it was not okay to be subject to those things as a child. Those unspoken, shameful memories can bring out the survival skills that cause us to lash out, hide from, criticize, or be unloving to our spouses.

Truth, Grace, and Freedom in Christ

We have to open our mouths and share the events that led us to develop survival skills with our spouses, because God never intended for us just to survive! There's something amazingly liberating about talking through, praying through, and working through those truths that are so hard to face.

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'Jesus said to the people who believed in him, “You are truly my disciples if you remain faithful to my teachings. And you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” ' John 8:31-32

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It's also crucial to forgive ourselves and give ourselves the same grace God gives us for all we did as children to survive.

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I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth, you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world.” John 16:33 NLT

'We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation.' Romans 5:3-4

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The survival skills may have gotten us to adulthood, but Jesus got us free! Freedom feels so good when we realize the price that was paid for us to get here. As always, be well-fed friends. Until next time. John & Stephanie‬‬ - The Butlers